Strippers

I know, my last post was about my baby napping by herself, and now I’m on to the topic of strippers.  Welcome to the crazy world inside of my head, where no two thoughts are alike, or even on the same wave length.  Enjoy!

So, my husband will be attending two bachelor parties over the next two months.  One I’m not even concerned about.  It’s a bunch of guys going white water rafting and out to the bars.  Seriously guys, have fun!  Enjoy!  Drink all the beers!  The other, I am getting irritated over.  I know that strip clubs are pretty much a standard anymore, but I’ve decided that I don’t think it’s right.  Not sure if this has to do with us having a daughter now, my own thoughts on my sagging, stretch-marked body image, or what, but I am super anti-strip club now.  And why shouldn’t I be?

My biggest question is this, how is going to a strip club not considered cheating?  I mean, seriously.  A guy gets to go to a bar and watch naked (yes, this strip club is 100% naked) girls jiggle their breasts around (and whatever vaginas do while you dance on a pole… oh, I just threw up a little) and I am supposed to think that’s okay?  What if he went to a house party and all the girls there were naked.  Would it be okay as long as he threw dollars at them?  And lap dances are 100% cheating.  Breasts in your face, and a girl grinding on your junk.  Yes, that is cheating.

Now, my husband doesn’t like strip clubs.  Whether it’s because he is uncomfortable sporting wood while hanging out with his friends, or whether he feels the whole thing is actually gross and ridiculous, I’m not really sure.  He says it’s the later, but maybe he just says that to make me feel better about it.  I can’t imagine sitting around a table with all of your friends while you’re rocking a hard-on could be all that fun.  Unless it is.  In which case, gross, and maybe we should talk…

Now, there are ladies out there who don’t really care if their husbands go to strip clubs.  I used to be one of them, way back in the day.  I even told him I’d like to go with him, if he were going.  I mean, I can appreciate a good pair of breasts just as much as the next girl, but he never took me up on the offer.  Again, maybe because he thinks strip clubs are gross, but maybe just because he would be uncomfortable pitching a tent next to me and wondering if I had noticed.  (I would have).

I know that the world is full of obligations.  One of those obligations is to see your friends off when they chose to cross over into married life (I mean, it IS the most awful thing EVER, right?).  Saying no to this, just because they are going to strip club, is unheard of.  I understand, but I don’t have to like it.  Hopefully all the lap dances will go to the man of honor.  This is the type of group that would buy one for everyone though.  You know, so they can all have boners together.  It’s HARD to understand a special bond like that.

Penis.